The Blank: ignoring someone completely even though during the day you spent an hour or so genuinely engaged in discussing all sorts of stuff.

The Put Down: “oh you are an Art School Teacher in an obscure rural location, how charming (swiftly move on)”

The Look Up: “oh you are an Art Lecturer on a Fine Art Degree Course at Royal College (look at them in awe as though they are the oracle)”

The Flannel: “I have just spent July installing a curatorial collaborative contextual piece on the Norfolk coats line” translates as “just got back from my holidays building sandcastles with the kids in Cromer on the beach”

The Serious Mode: DO NOT CRACK A SMILE (even if its the funniest thing you ever have ever heard or seen (excludes laughing at art work, you can laugh at work made by amateurs, unless a specific amateur artist is deemed relevant by notable established figures; its a tricky balance)

The Familiars: regular attendees of openings e.g. Artists after free booze and an exhibition, Retired Academics needing art love and to be wanted, Current Academics out on the lash with colleagues, Art Students after free booze, Curators after free booze and the next big thing.

The Lie: “oh yeah I know (insert relevant artist here) and love their work” translates as “I haven’t a clue who they are”

* Please note that some of these activities may occur outside of the exhibition opening remit.